Taking the Long View.

I bought that one-way ticket at an unpredictable time. I knew when I bought it that I might have to forsake it in the end. But sometimes you have to take that gamble, hoping for the best.

You see, I have been planning this trip for so long that it grew its own roots, deep into my heart. It became, over time, a concrete fact. That this adventure would happen, absolutely, and that I would leave no later than April of 2010. This goal has been driving me to work so much harder than I have sometimes thought possible. On long weeks of long days, strung together by tediousness, when exhaustion or frustration was close, I had a happy thought - this adventure. I would simply remind myself that this was what I was working for. When I became stir crazy from staying in the same city, without vacationing in NOLA or Europe or lord knows where, it was enough to just daydream for a bit about this one driving goal. Now, can you understand why I held on to this hope, that all could work out, just possibly, without my needing to let go?

Well, I was cutting it close financially, but that was going to be a non-issue. I would not have minded flying by the seat of my pants. In fact, that's the spirit of the trip.

However, for anyone who does not know it, my dad is very sick. And each time I ask, the story fluctuates: one day everything is going to be okay, just a little surgery and he'll be just fine. The next: "your father is a very sick man." I thought I could wait this out, cancel my trip later if I needed to.

But my family needs to know that they come first. So. Tomorrow I will take the little savings I had put aside for this bike tour, and I will register and insure the car that my Aunt Sharon so generously gave me. That way I can visit my family in Tiverton and offer the moral support that I have not been able to supply from Providence.

As for the trip, I still plan on going.

It is too important to me now, and I would never forgive myself if I were to forgo it entirely. One does not give up on a dream.

This trip will happen next April. April of 2011. And it, and I, will be the better for the delay.

Twenty-Ten. A New Decade. A New Adventure.

If you don't take a great leap once in a while, you lose track of time. You look back and find it difficult to trace events back to a realistic time frame; did I start juggling two months ago? or was it three? How long have I been working my new job? Six months? Eight? If eight, it could actually be ten. But the line becomes a blur, and for me, that says everything I need to know. Because life, as I see it, needs to be memorable. And to make it so, it must be relished. Preferably in fascinating little chunks so they can all be glued easily back together by a deadbeat memory-machine like my own.

That is why I've decided to take this trip. When you're younger, before all the responsibility hits you like a metric ton of gummy bears, adventure is apt to sweep you off your feet at any given moment. And it is exciting, all new, this freedom to explore.

But eventually this falls away. Leases are signed - tethers. Student loans fall from the sky and into your consciousness for the first time, suddenly screaming for your undivided attention. Then, if you let them catch up to you, you have utilities, insurances, car payments, credit card fees, a career path, maybe a family, a mortgage, vet bills, and before you know it, you're cosigning someone else's student loans.

What a chain.

How to break free?

The car payments will always be waiting. The insurances, they can wait too. Maybe that family and that mortgage, too. But not for me, not yet. The optimist in me believes that this could be a step for my resume and towards my dream job, so one could, should one so desire, claim this decision as a step on a career path. But that would be unconventional.

I wanted to pay off my credit cards before leaving. But life got in the way. They'll be here when I get back.

I digress.

I decided last year that I would take this trip, practically jumping out of my comfort zone. But I'm too excited to consider such a minor inconvenience. I've purchased my tent and a one-way ticket from Logan Airport (BOS) to Charles de Gaulle (CDG). I bought the bike too, but she was stolen in April, so I'll need another. C'est la vie. Such is life.

I bought a map, as well.

And marked all of the cities that I plan on riding to. Starting in Paris, ending at Marseille. I have good reasons for stopping in all of them. Some I will visit for festivals, some to see friends. In Lyon, I plan on camping in an abandoned castle at the top of a small mountain. At many, I plan on bringing my resume to the local bike shops - especially the specialized dealers.

I will spend some nights at friends houses and some more couch surfing, but over all, I'll be learning the art of camping.

Camping, cycling, exploring, writing, learning, busking, living.

This will be my diary.